November 15, 2012

Week 11 Rankings

Week 11 is in the books and parity reigns in this league. The top 4 teams all have a shot of playing in the BCS Title Bowl! Heck, even the 5th team could somehow sneak in before all is said in done. When you take a look at the jumbled standings at the top it's also easy to overlook the fact that history could be made! P90XJoe in his 2nd season is going for a goal that has never been accomplished before. This goal started when he came into the league last season but was bit on the backside a few times; he accidentally won games. This year? That has not been the case so far, and when you take a look at that roster.. you can certainly see why. P90X is just 2 games away from having the 1st ever winless season. Yes, folks, the perfect Pollock season is within reach. Rumors persist that the Miami Marlins owner is excited about the possibilities of buying the entire college and seeing who will get less fans at their games; the Marlins or P90X College.

#12: P90XJoe His info reads like a bad team on a video game.. 0-11, 992 points scored (lowest in the league) and 1492 points against (highest in the league). Well, if he didn't have bad luck.. he'd have no luck at all. At least when he goes back home he still tells all the g's on the corner.. "Yo, I'm still P90XJoe from the block."

#11: Zach. 3-8 with 4 straight losses.. a few weeks ago he we telling me that he was legit in the hunt for a top 8 finish. At that point he was 3-4, the wheels fell off. He started asking for too much in return for potential trades and now his roster lost a chance to improve late in the season and well.. he has 3 wins. Epic mismanagement. League observers from the outside continue to question Zach's management style late in the season. They're not sure either one of the new guys has what it takes to be competitive. A lot of his fans are just sitting around looking for more entertainment.

#10: Josh. We've already made fun of his age. Everybody makes fun of his NFL team (The Cowboys). What else is there? He had aspirations to start the season, got off to a bad start.. traded Ball/Franklin when Ball was hurt and getting 8 carries a game. Now? They're both tearing up the league for the #1 ranked team.. it looks like another lost season and another achey breaky heart for Josh. (P.S. Just fast forward to the end of the video and watch those moves. Boy was in the zone.)

#9: Cherns. The Mouth from the South is sitting at 5-6 with Kenjon Barner still on his roster, though he said he was going to be dealt about 4 days ago. So, he hasn't done that. He just got put on a watch list for ignoring rankings this week. Does anybody know if he's okay? Is he studying spreadsheets and stats actually trying to put a real roster together or just pretending that he's too busy to care about the league? In fact, he's so busy he probably doesn't have time to read these rankings.. but if he does, I'll just shoot him a quick email or text that simply says, "Thanks, Jake." Right now? He's just a wannabe.

#8: Crass was one on the door for the title game? Now, he's 5-6 with 3 straight losses. It's been a rough year, he could be on top of the leader board had he gone through with an early season trade for Denard Robinson, but he backed out. That's proved costly, despite Denard being out the last 2 weeks, and now Crass is looking to sell his senior RBs flooding the market alongside Barner and dragging all their value down. Toss in the fact he also just got put on rankings watch and we've got ourselves a disappearing act.. dogs are running all over the place because he's been MIA and now people are wondering.. WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

#7: Joe-Dub: 6-5 and gaining steam with 2 straight wins. An extremely scary opponent for anybody ranked above him down the stretch. His team can put up monster numbers very quickly with 3 guys averaging right around 20 ppg, so if they hit their averages and he gets outside contributions he can put fear in opponents making them make outrageous comments like, "Man, this roster is banging."

#6 Scuba: A huge loss to the other mouth in the league. Puts him at 6-5 with an outside chance at sneaking into the top 4 for the 2nd time in the last 2 years. Does he have the horses to pull it off? Is his team mentally strong? A lot this week might depend on how long Tajh Boyd plays vs. a pathetic NC State roster and if Todd Gurley gets enough touches vs. Georgia Southern to put up some points. This kid has no fear and no quit.. after his tough loss he was overheard telling a reporter from the Taylor Co. Star News, "My heart will go on."

#5 Brian: 7-4. 4 Straight wins. Just stop. Highest total was naturally 158 vs. #1 team in the league, then he's somehow won the next 3 with scores of 135, 119, and 107. Seriously. Finishing the year vs. T-Raz and GMOTY, so I guess we'll find out if he's for real. With 1 guy averaging in the 20ppg range I can't see him winning out to end the season, but if he does.. I'll approach him after these remarks with arms wide open.

#4 GMOTY The league's most wanted and most hated. No doubt about it. 7-4 with 3 straight wins. More points than Brian, more bravado. More swagger. More emails and texts sent out than the rest of the league combined defending his trades and idiotic comments. Every family has a clown like this, and I guess every league does too. Favorable match ups across the board for his roster this week, and that could put him into the top 3 for sure unless Billy and Chad have an epic battle for the top spot and swings voters to seeing they're the 2 best teams. Regardless of what happens.. GMOTY of the year is coming at you.. as he told the team in his locker room the other day, "That's right boys, we're coming for 'em.. it looks like we've got ourselves a CONVOY!"

#3 Billy: 7-4 and the most points in the league, but he's sitting at 3rd because the top 2 teams tied and have a slightly better record. Little surprised he hasn't made any big roster moves heading into the showdown of the #1 ranked team in the league. He's sitting content; thinking he might lose and then sell quickly for the bowl game. Anytime you have 2 guys on your roster averaging well over 20 ppg you're scary.. and even more scary when those 2 guys are starting as a QB vs. Baylor (historically awful defensively) and WR vs. UCLA (gave up like 400 yards, 5 TDs passing to Washington State last week). He's got more than a shot to win this week. If he does? Bet there will be dancing in his house this weekend!

#2 T-Raz: 7-3-1. Lucky tie is keeping him afloat, but whatever happened to Geno Smith? His QB and best WR (Smith and Austin) match up  vs. Oklahoma this weekend. That's a tough match up most times and James Sims, his top RB, heads to Iowa State. He could have a big game to keep him afloat. He'll square off against that scary Brian squad this weekend, but he's certainly thinking he'll end up with another victory. T.D has a nice little ring to it.. now if he'd just beat dat beat up.

#1 Chad. 7-3-1. More points than Dowden by a lot.. only trails Billy in that department. Big game against the league's leading scorer who has some major friendly match ups for his roster. Montee Ball faces a stout OSU d, and we saw what happened when that OL and Matt Canada squared off vs. Michigan State. Predictable, boring and no ability to even try the run game.. will it happen again? A defense playing Oregon (uh oh), will Terrence Williams be able to find the end zone? Will Franklin find room to run vs. USC? 6 guys average in that 20 ppg range, but they are not looking like great match ups this week.. finally, will Denard be able to play? If he can, and the others play like their season averages.. well.. then Billy.. you can't touch this.

November 8, 2012

Week 10 Rankings

It's late. I'm tired. Going to be a quick week of rankings with 1 legendary video to end it. My team hasn't seen it yet, but they will before we take the field Saturday.

1. Cloughs-- Get used to it. The reign at the top is just beginning.
2. Scuba-- The Braves? I hope not. Does Cinderella's slipper still fit?
3. T-Raz-- Last year's champ started big but struggled down the stretch. Will Geno crank it up again?
4. Booster-- Still in position for a $ game but not a good one. Might sell off or might buy big.
5. GMOTY-- Doing what he can to be in the title game. He's close, but is it too late?
6. Brian-- Kinda where title game chances end.. he's got a solid record but not elite talent.
7. Joe Dub-- Should I make my obligatory Minnesota or never seen him comment?
8. Crass-- Whoa, what happened to this roster? NVM, he didn't want D. Rob to start the season.
9. Cherns-- He's got one weapon and he's holding him hostage; doesn't have the integrity to trade him to a winner.
10. Josh-- Is this the highest he's ever been ranked?
11. Zach-- Thought he had a chance to get out of the 11th place spot, but it doesn't appear so
12. P90X-- Some picks, some young guys.. but they're not good at being developed. At all.

November 3, 2012

Who Is Gonna Beat 'Em?

2 games in. One at home, one on the road. 2 wins. One blowout, one buzzer beater. The Bucks haven't lost yet this season. You can't beat them at home; you can't beat them on the road. You can't beat them in blowouts; you can't beat them when it comes down to the wire. FEAR. THE. DEER.

I know it's not 2010. Buuuuuuuttttttttttttttt......

November 1, 2012

Week 9 rankings are out. The NBA tipped off this week and this is mostly a tribute to some of the better plays/players the league has ever seen. Enjoy.

1. Billy... Shocking rankings this week put Billy at 6-3 on top of the league ahead of 6-2-1 T-Razzie Dazzie. I dunno if it's the entire concept of the league or if people rewarded Billy's win over an inferior opponent while T-Raz tied the #3 team in the league or what it was. Somebody has some explaining to do.. much like Luke Walton after this boneheaded play.

2. T-Raz... Not sure what he did to the league here, but somebody somewhere isn't happy with him. I understand Billy had a higher points week, but T-Raz has a better winning %, could this be the first season in league history where we have a BCS rankings controversy? This could be fuel for Cherns' fire, if he pays attention anymore. Anyway, right when you think the #1 ranking is a slam dunk, somebody like the White Mamba does you like that!

3. Chad... Just when you think he's going to walk into position for the title game, Montee Ball and Denard Robinson get hurt or shackled by their offensive coordinator (Matt Canada in case you didn't know) a 121-121 vs. T-Raz might be good for some teams in the league, but it's not what Chad's looking for on his search for a league title. Sometimes, I know he gets a bad feeling in his stomach at night.. almost like he's got no chance to make it.

4. Scuba... 5-4, 3 straight wins and the 2nd most points in the league. Is this guy going to find his way into the title game? It's a real possibility, but he's on edge this weekend.. his brother-in-law is ranked 5th and they square off. Lets not forget that Scuba's sister married Crass, so Crass pretty much runs Scuba's life when necessary (at least that's how he tells me it works). Regardless, is this the week Scuba pulls a quick one on the elder statesman?

5. Crass... 5-4 and hanging around. He's trying to make things happen, he had a huge shot to move up this week and be in prime position for a run at the top. There was that tie on top of the leader board, it's like a flagrant foul in basketball. 2 free throws, nobody standing around you and the ball. You can't ask for anything better, unless well.. you're Chuck Hayes and this past weekend.. that's exactly who Crass was.

6. GMOTY... Selfish. Self-promoter. Loves himself. All about what he does as coach and not so much about what his team does. Wants the spotlight and wont share it no matter what. He's the kinda guy that if he had a shot to get a cheap rebound for a triple double to get the stats.. he'd miss that shot on his own basket. 5-4 and in that group that could maybe have a chance to make it to the $ games. Can you imagine this guy in a championship? Scary, scary thought.

7. Josh... Hanging around yet.. 5-4, just won again. Another one of those wins because the other team was so bad that somebody had to win. He just got lucky. Almost as lucky as his favorite player in the history of basketball. Josh used to celebrate this guy around the house, it was sick. We'd go play in the backyard and he'd be him. We'd play on our Nerf hoop in the bedroom, and he'd imitate him. We'd be doing the dishes, and he'd shoot a turnaround J into the garbage can like this guy on the big stage.

8. Brian... 5-4, 2 straight wins. Does he have a shot at getting up far enough for a $ bowl? I doubt it. He's from Minnesota. He's been trading away pieces left and right. There's not much left in the cupboard, lets chalk those wins up to attrition more than anything. There is a little spark there, like I said.. 2 straight wins, 5-4 with a host of other guys all the way up to the #4 ranking. You think he's going to make a play, but then you remember who he is.

9. Joe Dub... 4-5. He lost again. He's still above Cherns. I've still never met the guy. Never gotten more than an email/text on occasion from him. Still unsure he really exists. Still think it's possible, he's part of Brian's schizo that he's got going on. Either way, if he really does exists he drafts like Marc Gasol passes.

10. Cherns... 4-5. Running out of mean things to say. In and out of the league. In and out of his consciousness. Wanted to trade Kenjon but then he didn't really. Wanted to be a farmer, but then he lives in Madison. Wanted to play middle linebacker for a winner like Edgar, but he was born in Auburndale. I watched him play shedball one time with Tony Balz. One of the worst 2 on 2 bball teams you'll ever see. If you took the White Mamba and The Custodian and tossed these two against them.. they'd make Mamba and the Custodian look like Bird/Magic or LeBron/KD for you youngsters. He doesn't win often, but when he does.. he celebrates with Chris Bosh.

11. Zach... 3-6 with 2 straight losses.. Just a few weeks ago he texted me something to the effect of he was 3-4 and on the move, outside shot at a money bowl game. I'm not joking. Now he's 11th in the league. Sometimes, you just need to pull these young league members aside and say, "Whoa, bro.. where you going so fast? Don't forget to do the little things first."

12. P90XJoe.. Joe has a rough time scoring. Joe thinks Matt Canada is a good OC. I doubt this is a coincidence. Sometimes, I feel like Joe just really needs Rasheed Wallace to suit up for the other team and maybe, just maybe he'll find a way to the winner's circle.