I know it's late.. NBA Draft Diary 2013 Edition

So here's the deal.. I know the draft was weeks ago and some summer league scrubs have taken the floor.. guess what, I don't care. I don't have cable and I don't have time.. but I did scrape some up as I sit over at my in-laws dog sitting. True story. My NBA Draft Diary:

--Draft hasn't started yet but my DVR has.. Is that Magic Johnson doing an intro? Only guy worse on TV for the NBA is Jalen Rose. This is gonna be good.

--Stern booed and like a true WWE heel, pretends they were cheers. Has anybody ever seen David Stern and Vinny McMahon at the same time, in the same room?

--Stern mentions the Miami Heat and the crowd boos.. he helped create that team. I'm calling them the nWo from now. Is LeBron Hogan? Bosh would be that latino guy that yells ARRIBA LA RAZA... and Wade has to be Scott Hall.. except the fact that I love Scott Hall.

--Jalen tosses in he's played in the league 13 years. Don't worry, Jalen.. we know who you are.

--Jay Bilas just told me Nerlens Noel weighs 216lbs. Does Jay have a numbers fetish? Why don't I know his wingspan yet?

--The 1st pick hasn't happened yet.. and I'm seriously bored right now. I don't like Bill Simmons voice, Jalen Rose is a joke, and Jay Bilas only knows economics.

--What's with the David Stern baby raise the roof before the 1st pick? Who does he think he is? He reminds me of the Brian Regan skit when the dude on the cell phone barely raises his finger (might not even have this point on here but Brian Regan is sweet anyway).. If you want the crowd to make noise David.. RAISE THE ROOF.

--Jalen Rose, "everybody wants to be the #1 pick." That's why Jalen is here tonight.. it took him 13 years to figure that out!

--Jay Bilas just said wingspan and tip one back regarding Anthony Bennett. #YesSir

--WHY DIDNT ANYBODY TELL ME SHANE BATTIER WAS INTERVIEWING PEOPLE?! I DO NOT WANNA SEE THIS... is ESPN trying to make up for hiring Ray Lewis? You know.. the dude that allegedly murdered somebody.

--Anthony Bennett isn't going to eat himself out of the league according to Jay Bilas.. good I didn't want him to be the next Oliver Miller.

--Rece Davis just told me that the 2nd pick in the draft was a "high energy guy".. that term is reserved for bench towel waving white guys.. like Jon Brockman.

--Shane Battier is on nickname basis with Victor Oladipo. Wonder if he'd met him before this weekend.

--Victor Oladipo was just compared to Dwayne Wade, Alvin Robertson, and Joe Dumars in about 30 seconds.

--David Stern remains a Vince McMahon and we're 3 picks in. This guy can't go away fast enough.

--Jalen Rose is certainly a Ben Stein clone.. btw.. our 3rd pick in this draft Rose just compared to Bruce Bowen. Shane Battier also hit a "That's great" awkward moment in his interview. He stinks.

--Ariza, Seraphin, Price on the Wizards bench.. I might be able to get run there.

--YES! Jalen Rose JUST said that his mom won a championship.. in women's basketball. I'm not joking.

--Still trying to figure out if Cody Zeller is such a freak and a great athlete and 60% shooter.. then why did Jared Berggren eat him alive?

--Rece Davis just said that Nerlens Noel could be re-united with Anthony Davis at Kentucky. Ummm... does Rece Davis know that they both left after their freshman year so they weren't at Kentucky together? Come on, bro.

--Alex Len just said he wanted to play against KG and Duncan.. Battier asked the ? and isn't happy he doesn't want to play against him. For real.

--Jay Bilas told me 216lbs isn't pushing around an Eastern Conference C.. How many Cs is he not pushing around? Who is pushing around who in the East? He's pushing Bosh around for sure.

--John Calipari just sold 17 used cars in the lottery room.

--8 picks in.. and I like Shane Battier less than I did 8 picks ago. Didn't think that was possible.

--Jay Bilas, "If a PG is the best player.. then don't you take him?" Bill Simmons, "That's what got David Kahn fired." Touche bro.

--Jalen Rose is a horrible dude on TV. Don't know if I mentioned that yet. I'm 9 picks in so I might have.

--Jalen Rose likes Trey Burke.. I'm shocked that he liked a guy that played at Michigan. I bet he likes Big McGary too.

--Figured it out.. Shane Battier reminds me of Drew Carey on Price is Right. #Awful

--And at the 10th pick.. my favorite player for the Bucks off the draft. CJ McCollum.

--Sorry Bill Simmons.. CJ McCollum isn't an "irrational confidence" guy.. he's a STUD. Difference.

--ESPN cut to Chris Broussard to report on Trey Burke news that was already discussed on set by guys that didn't have the "inside story." Nice job, Chris.

--Jay Bilas and Jalen Rose just told me how great of a defender MCW is.. great, he plays zone.

--Now Jay Bilas just told me MCW went to a camp and they told him he was mid-major.. then 10 seconds later he said he was told he was a DIII player. Make up your mind!

--Shane still fishing for a compliment just asked MCW who he wanted to play against.. He didn't answer with "Shane Battier."

--Jalen Rose just said that Kendrick Perkins has slown down a little bit.. in other words, he's gone from slo-mo to Ace Ventura super slow-mo

--Blending Bucks off-season and the draft together.. I'd still take Bill Simmons as Bucks GM. For realz.

--Chris Broussard just said the Mavs would trade the pick.. or take a foreign player and keep him overseas. Guess who they took? Kelly Olynyk.. which they traded for Shane Larkin.

--They are crushing the Bucks during the draft now.. well guess what.. GREEK FREAK. BACK OFF.

--BTW: The Greek Freak is a pick the Bucks have to make at 15. They need to knock a kid out of the park.. what are your choices right now? You are Milwaukee and need a franchise pick.. you can get a senior that can be a great rotation guy or a potential superstar.. you take the Greek Freak. LOVE IT

--All sorts of Canadian jokes by the ESPN Draft guys.. funny considering they haven't been to a Marquette camp lately.

--2 hours in and a German just got picked.. almost skipped it on purpose because Fran and some other clown are on. I didn't though. Dennis Schroeder was a potential Buck.. I woulda taken it.

--Bill Simmons just asked if David Kahn was hired as a consultant by the Hawks because they took the German PG and Shane Larkin. I laughed.

--A Russian just got picked. Not sure how this affect US/Russia relations but I think Putin and Obama don't like each other. For realz.

--Pure Comedy.. Sergev Kaserev and Shane Battier interview.

--Shabazz Muahammad just got picked and looks like he hates David Stern.

--Tony Snell is only 6'7 and has a wingspan of a 6'11 guy. Thanks Jay. He can also shoot. Actually, I woulda loved him as a Buck.

--Chris Broussard is so bad at his job.. that he can't even pronounce Luol Deng right. For realz.

--David Stern trying to crack jokes that boos mean respect.. Didn't work, brah brah. You aren't cool.

--I believe the Nets are up next at pick number 22.. Jay Bilas has Pierre Jackson as his 8th best pick available.. I bet he doesn't get picked in the 1st round.

--Can't wait in Bart Scott voice is WAYYYYYYYY better than Can't wait in Mason Plumlee voice. His is childish and lame.

--23 picks in.. David Stern still trying to make jokes about being a heel and getting the crowd rowdy. He's as annoying as Tom Crean stalking the sidelines.

--Knicks took Tim Hardaway Jr.. I love him.. but I hate the Knicks.

--Shocking.. Jalen Rose says, "I LIKKKKKKKE IT." hahaha.. C'mon bro.. you woulda liked that Horford clown taken there.

--Some Tim Hardaway clips.. best part of the night included.. including this Spike Lee interview.

--Bill and Jalen don't like each other.. another weird argument about Amar'e Stoudamire. Classic stuff. Jalen played 13 years.. so you know.. he knows.

--It's the 26th pick and the Warrior took some guy from Colorado that averaged 11 points.. and Rece Davis just made a wrestling comment about David Stern.. fairly certain I made a comment like that about 25 picks ago.

--David Stern just did another annoying hand motion for the crowd to "boo" him.. does he think he's cool at this point? Seriously.. I'd drop an elbow from the top rope if I were there right now.

--I'm going on record here.. Spurs shoulda taken Jamaal Franklin.. they woulda loved him.

--Archie Goodwin just got picked.. he's a bball player today, not a cartoon character from WW2 era.

--Rece Davis is totally in love with David Stern.. either that or words are on a screen in front of him.. which do you think it is? I have my answer.

--Jalen Rose just said that David Stern is the best commish in any sport in his life. haha.. what a homer. He's played at Michigan and "LOVED" every Michigan pick and played in the league and shockingly he thinks that he's the man. Come on, Jalen.

--Bill Simmons points out that David Stern isn't above criticism.. nobody comments shockingly.

--David Stern hands over the keys to Adam Silver; crowd boos. It's the WWE storyline that people love.. Vinny Mac turns the reigns over to Shane-O Mac.

--2 minutes between picks now? No wonder the 2nd round is only an hour on the DVR compared to like the other 3 hours of the 1st round.

--Just stopped watching the draft to make this insane smoothie with spinach, coconut chocolate yogurt, coconut milk, blueberries, a peach and banana. I think this smoothie will do more for me than Glen Rice Jr. does for the 76ers. Time will tell.

--Jay Bilas just said, "He (Glen Rice Jr) got bounced off the team at Georgia Tech so he has some major issues." C'mon Jay.. it's Georgia Tech if you get kicked off Kentucky then you've really got problems.

--Bill Simmons thinks Jimmer still has a shot to make a name for himself in the NBA.. That's why I like that guy so much.

--Nate Wolters just got picked and Bill Simmons loves him too.. Why is he not GM of the Bucks. That Wolters/Fredette backcourt would be sick. So glad he became a Bucks PG.. he's just a basketball player. I like him.

--Grant Jerrett looks like a turtle. If he were one of the 4 teenage mutant ninja turtles I'd say he's Raphael. He's just kinda there with no special skills.

--Jalen Rose just said, "I woulda moved him (Lamarcus Aldridge) tonight too." Then Bill Simmons made a comment to Jalen Rose who then said, "They can wait, the Blazers don't have to move him tonight." Come on man.

--After CJ McCollum that dude Jamaal Franklin was my next hopeful Bucks player. They didn't get him, but the Grizzlies will end up with him. Rose thinks he'll stay around the league because he can "score the basketball" Does he know anything about Franklin? He's a rebounder/defender.

--Ricky Ledo just got picked based off HS games and Providence practices. So.. basically we have a pick made off practice and youtube videos. Yi totally would fit in this draft.

--I just missed a whole bunch of picks because I was stuck in FF on the TV remote.. guess what at this point, I don't care.

--Fran just told me that Raul Neto is called Raul Zeno or something like that by his friends and that is his nickname.. I seriously can't wait to get this dude into the league.

--Ryan Kelly just got picked.. Jay Bilas loves him. I'm not surprised, but where is Dick Vitale to tell me about the basketball aspect of this Duke product.

--Some junk during the draft about Dwight Howard; so glad that's over. I hope he drags the Rockets down and doesn't win a title.

--Erik Murphy gets an Entourage spot from Simmons and Bilas. That's rich. Turtle gonna get picked next and even Johnny Drama gets a mention.. that's why you watch the 2nd round of the NBA Draft. Too bad E wasn't in the crowd, Sloan woulda been with him I think.

--Another reason you watch the 2nd round.. Simmons said Doc quit on the Celtics and Doc responds with, "I'd like to call him an idiot, but I'm too classy for that." Bro, you just called him an idiot, we're not stupid. Then adds Simmons doesn't know the truth. Can't wait for Simmons reply coming in 3, 2, 1....

--Rece, Jay, and Jalen speechless and have no clue what to say after that Doc Rivers interview.. They're like wallflowers.

--Some Iranian named Arsalan Kazemi got picked.. and my DVR stopped. I hope that isn't some kinda freaky sign. This draft is over for me.

2012 NBA Draft Diary

It's 10:11.. the NBA high-5 bench guys are probably getting picked now and I'm just starting my 1st draft diary.. why? Well, because Kayla wanted to go out to eat for our anniversary first. That's all I'm going to say about that.  Without further ado, I've got some catching up to do (See what I did there?)

Anthony Davis isn't very attractive even if he whittles out some of that huge unibrow. On a side how, how can you have a basketball team without a gym? Do you really expect me to believe this team brought a hoop out from the building to the parking lot to practice.. don't they play in the winter in Chicago?

Anybody else completely shocked by MKG going #2? I thought it would be Bradley Beal for sure. Pretty cool to see this interview though.

Good to know Jay Bilas can make fun of himself. Wingspan, Wingspan, Wingspan tip back, America! Haha.. that's classic.

How annoying is Heather Cox? I'm about ready to fast forward her interviews already.

Bradley Beal is a high energy guy? Hard to believe these first 3 picks are all relentless. Also.. how about the comment "Washington must know what they want to do!" Really? Somebody with the 3rd pick has a good idea of what they want? That's crazy.

I'm going to start doing 5 push-ups everytime relent is used somewhere in a word.

Um. Who is Chris Broussard? I mean, really.. is he related to Michael Jackson in anyway? That's where I'm leaning right now. The tone is really throwing me off and making me think Young Michael Jackson right now. I might have to research this later.

If there is one player I don't like in the top 4.. it's well.. Dion Waiters. "I went to college a boy and left a man." Eh.. we shall see, tough guy.

After that Heather Cox interview with Thomas Robinson's sister I think we can officially fast forward her interviews from now on.. that was one of the worst on-air things I have ever seen. "Did you know it's closer to Disney?" "No." "Well, it's closer now than you were before." as she puts the mic in the girls face.. then pulls it away awkwardly. HOW IS SHE SUPPOSED TO RESPOND TO THAT? SHE IS 9 YEARS OLD.

*Yawn* Even I called the Lillard/Barnes picks. Also called Drummond and Rivers. Who did I call them to? Well.. Kayla til she fell asleep then Schatzi, but she doesn't seem to care.

By the way.. how about the Jonas cat for the Raptors. They say he can play.. but I haven't seen him post-up a chair yet.

Did Austin Rivers mean to shave one side of his face and leave the other? Looks like a bad moustache.. I'd expect to see something like that in Blazing Saddles.

Meyers Leonard will be a better pro than college player. Cash it.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... that should be the Bucks pick. Jeremy Lamb. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. I might quit watching. I backed the Dalembert trade because they only moved down 2 spots. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I don't anymore. I'm going to go boo Dalembert this year.

Jay.. the wingspan doesn't make him 6'11. If it did, he wouldn't be 6'5. Duh.

What if Mark May actually asked 2 questions that were related to each other? What if he asked a question.. then waited for an answer.. then asked a follow-up question? I thought that's what interviews were supposed to be like? I'm not getting that from Mark.

10:31: PJ3? Henson? Jones? Zeller? Oh my.. options galore for the Bucks at 14. Lamb was choice #1. At this stage how can you go wrong with any of the 4? Henson and PJIII probably biggest ? marks but also highest upside. Lets just hope the pick doesn't get traded for some 14 PPG high volume shooter and headcase.

10:33: No Heather. That's not funny. Neither is Huckleberry Hound.

10:35: David Stern still getting the boo's from the crowd and loving it. John Henson it is. I guess Hammond really wanted the length they talked about after getting destroyed by the Pacers late in the season. Now you have Dalembert, Udoh, Sanders and Henson. That's a lot of defense and not a lot of offense. We'll see how this works out. Naturally, as a Bucks fan.. I want to see what Henson can do vs. a chair as well. Can he back a recliner down? Can he spin off of it and hammer it down?

10:39: You really want to go by Maurice? I think of Maurice Taylor. That's not a compliment.

10:43: Some other brutal ESPN interview going on.. they were talking about Austin Rivers. Doesn't he seem kinda like a punk? Here is what I think of him.

10:44: How can Anthony Davis trademark a phrase with unibrow or brow in it? Did he actually come up with them? I doubt he was sitting around thinking of sayings that he could use.. somebody else told him some of these sayings so shouldn't THEY trademark them? Sounds like a typical Kentucky cheater to me.

10:45: Stern still getting the boo's. He continues to laugh at all the money he is making.

10:45: I'm a few hours behind but I think Bill Simmons just cried. Royce White to the Rockets, not the Celtics.

10:46: I shoot free throws better than Royce White and Andre Drummond. I should put my form up on youtube so they can work out to it a little bit.

10:48: Doing a draft diary alone isn't very much fun. Too bad T-Razzie was in Minnesota and allegedly at some horse races or this could be much more interesting. We could be intventing water drinking games besides the obvious Jay Bilas ones that could include: Everytime David Stern is booed, whenever an awkward question is asked, relentless, holes in his game, Chris Broussard using slang or lazy english are my original ideas.

10:53: I don't care about Kentucky vs. UNC draft board. Outside of those schools, who does? Jay Bilas made a good point the other day.. as far as a staff "developing NBA talent" most of these guys are freshman or sophomores.. can they really be turned into an NBA player in that little of time? Ugh, no.. not if they weren't already heading that way.

10:56: Worst GM draft thought: Lets get Jared "Not from Subway" Sullinger to go with Big Baby and just beat people up on the low block with fat guys.

10:57: Tyler Zeller just got traded for 3 guys. Really? Is Roy Williams going to get a Cavs hat now and pose with a high-5 and a stupid looking grin?

11:00: Andrew Nicholson.. yes, the 2nd senior drafted already. Jay Bilas just said wingspan and "good hands" Thankfully I didn't bring any water downstairs with me. He's canadian? Y2J better get a hold of him.

11:04: I think I'm going to do the draft diary until my man, PJIII gets picked. We're at pick 20 right now. I'm hoping it's the Nuggets. Nope, it's some French guy.. well, we know 1 thing about him.. he's soft.

11:10: Jared Sullinger to the Celtics? I cannot wait to see Simmons real draft diary tomorrow. This will be classic. It has to be something like this.

11:12: I'm really tired.. but they just called Jared Sullinger a wide body. That's funny. I hope PJIII is the next pick.

11:14: Kevin McHale looks like a wax statue. Is it just me or does he have a weird lisp too? That's not really the guy that did this, was it?

11:15: This stupid ESPN twitter thing just had a KingJames tweet.. good work trying to recruit more guys. "Is Ray Allen gonna play for the Heat, daddy?" I said, "I dunno, I hope so." Smooth LeBron, smooth. Isn't your recruiting budget up for the next few years?

11:18: Not sure why the Celtics took Fab Melo, they already have Greg Steimsma.

11:19: Stop it. "STRAIGHT UP, SHOOTER. John Jenkins can FLAT FILL. IT. UP." Just stop it, ESPN. Just curious.. how'd John Jenkins shoot against the Badgers?

11:20: Whatever happened to Heather Cox? She's not hanging around Mark Jackson is she?

11:21: Is Mike Dunlap related to Ben Stein?

11:23: I'm at the 24th pick and they're talking about MKG still? Come on, man. I know he was the 2nd pick but you couldn't get everything in that you wanted in the last 20-some picks? Wow. Jared Cunningham just got picked. This is killing me, I'm never going to make championship Friday at camp this week just because PJIII won't get picked.

11:25: Chris Broussard just hit me with some knowledge.. here in the mid-20s there are players with talent but some issues that have made them fall. Obviously.

11:28: Fingers crossed this is PJIII to the Grizz. I think Schatzi is alone and scared upstairs. She just growled down the stairs twice.

11:30: I am Uncle Drew.

11:31: Larry Bird is leaving the Pacers but that doesn't stop the white guys from the ACC rolling in. Miles Plumlee. I wouldn't take him in the 1st round. Not this year nor next year or ever. Jay Bilas just said "freak athlete" Add that one to the game for next year.

11:34: I'm willing to stay up awhile so PJIII doesn't end up on the Heat bench and tainted by LeBron, Wade, Battier, and Bosh. I wouldn't want that to happen to my guy. What a horrible place to be.. that's the Siberia of the NBA.

11:36: David Stern thinks he's Vince McMahon. There is no doubt in my mind. He loves being a heel.

11:37: Whew. So glad I don't care about Arnett Moultrie. PLUS, what if OKC took PJIII. Westbrook, Harden, Durantula, Ibaka, PJIII. Say it ain't so.

11:42: Rece Davis annoys me with the Kentucky/UNC theme. Is this on his own or is ESPN pumping him up to do this?

11:42: YESSIR. PJIII TO THE THUNDER! The only way this could have been better for me if he became a Buck! What a way to end my 1st draft diary.. flyin solo. Next year I'll have company. I promise.