I'm Still Here

Don't worry people; I am still alive. I've just been busy with school, life, and so on. Our college fantasy football season is near the end of the road. Here are the match-ups:

Toilet Bowl: #12 Zach vs. #11 P90X

--Who will win the #1 pick? I mean.. the game. Not that it matters, neither team has drafted an impact guy yet. Wes Lunt could have been the guy but then he kept getting hurt and who knows where he'll show up on the depth chart next year. Rumors are that P90X is too busy for the league and might be leaving next year. Only time will tell.

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#10 Cherns vs. #9 Josh

--Are there 2 guys that could pay any less attention to the league? Cherns has been hit or miss for the last 6 years of his life; you won't know what you get from him until he shows up.... or doesn't. When he does show up, great time.. but those times are about as common as Haley's Comet. Josh wakes up at 4 AM to play video games and completely forgets he has a fantasy football team.

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#8 Crass vs. #7 Brian

--Both of these teams were in $ contention at one time. Not so much anymore. Crass nearly made a postseason deal with the #2 ranked team, but they never agreed to terms. Will it hurt him in the future? Doubtful, but it helped him in his bowl game!

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#6 Joe Dub vs. #5 Billy

--Could one of these guys end up in the money? Highly unlikely. They're one game away. One big bowl game away from $.. a tough spot to be in. A down year for Billy and a big year from Joe Dub. Billy dealt QB Colin Klein to Chad after the bowl games started causing another bowl trade deadline meltdown throughout the league.

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#4 T-Raz vs. #3 Scuba

--Scuba made a late charge while T-Raz couldn't hold on when Geno Smith faltered down the stretch. Who will win this match up for maybe even a shot at #2? Big game tonight needed from Geno Smith and T-Raz could be in $ for 2 years in a row.

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#2 Chad vs. #1 GMOTY

--Venom type match-up. Former neighbors, former friends, battling it out for the top spot. This isn't one of those chump buddy buddy hug each other match-ups that we see so often now in sports.. this is like Barry vs. Bret in the squared circle. Carlos Polk and Ka'Deem Carey nearly equaled each other at the RB slot. Trade almost traded for George Wynn to bench Polk (shoulda pulled the trigger and benched Franklin instead). Perrins with another big game from the Rutgers defense while Chad got next to nothing from J. Franklin and Terrence Williams despite a combined game score in the mid-70s. Could the GMOTY really win the award? We shall see.

Week 11 Rankings

Week 11 is in the books and parity reigns in this league. The top 4 teams all have a shot of playing in the BCS Title Bowl! Heck, even the 5th team could somehow sneak in before all is said in done. When you take a look at the jumbled standings at the top it's also easy to overlook the fact that history could be made! P90XJoe in his 2nd season is going for a goal that has never been accomplished before. This goal started when he came into the league last season but was bit on the backside a few times; he accidentally won games. This year? That has not been the case so far, and when you take a look at that roster.. you can certainly see why. P90X is just 2 games away from having the 1st ever winless season. Yes, folks, the perfect Pollock season is within reach. Rumors persist that the Miami Marlins owner is excited about the possibilities of buying the entire college and seeing who will get less fans at their games; the Marlins or P90X College.

#12: P90XJoe His info reads like a bad team on a video game.. 0-11, 992 points scored (lowest in the league) and 1492 points against (highest in the league). Well, if he didn't have bad luck.. he'd have no luck at all. At least when he goes back home he still tells all the g's on the corner.. "Yo, I'm still P90XJoe from the block."

#11: Zach. 3-8 with 4 straight losses.. a few weeks ago he we telling me that he was legit in the hunt for a top 8 finish. At that point he was 3-4, the wheels fell off. He started asking for too much in return for potential trades and now his roster lost a chance to improve late in the season and well.. he has 3 wins. Epic mismanagement. League observers from the outside continue to question Zach's management style late in the season. They're not sure either one of the new guys has what it takes to be competitive. A lot of his fans are just sitting around looking for more entertainment.

#10: Josh. We've already made fun of his age. Everybody makes fun of his NFL team (The Cowboys). What else is there? He had aspirations to start the season, got off to a bad start.. traded Ball/Franklin when Ball was hurt and getting 8 carries a game. Now? They're both tearing up the league for the #1 ranked team.. it looks like another lost season and another achey breaky heart for Josh. (P.S. Just fast forward to the end of the video and watch those moves. Boy was in the zone.)

#9: Cherns. The Mouth from the South is sitting at 5-6 with Kenjon Barner still on his roster, though he said he was going to be dealt about 4 days ago. So, he hasn't done that. He just got put on a watch list for ignoring rankings this week. Does anybody know if he's okay? Is he studying spreadsheets and stats actually trying to put a real roster together or just pretending that he's too busy to care about the league? In fact, he's so busy he probably doesn't have time to read these rankings.. but if he does, I'll just shoot him a quick email or text that simply says, "Thanks, Jake." Right now? He's just a wannabe.

#8: Crass was one on the door for the title game? Now, he's 5-6 with 3 straight losses. It's been a rough year, he could be on top of the leader board had he gone through with an early season trade for Denard Robinson, but he backed out. That's proved costly, despite Denard being out the last 2 weeks, and now Crass is looking to sell his senior RBs flooding the market alongside Barner and dragging all their value down. Toss in the fact he also just got put on rankings watch and we've got ourselves a disappearing act.. dogs are running all over the place because he's been MIA and now people are wondering.. WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

#7: Joe-Dub: 6-5 and gaining steam with 2 straight wins. An extremely scary opponent for anybody ranked above him down the stretch. His team can put up monster numbers very quickly with 3 guys averaging right around 20 ppg, so if they hit their averages and he gets outside contributions he can put fear in opponents making them make outrageous comments like, "Man, this roster is banging."

#6 Scuba: A huge loss to the other mouth in the league. Puts him at 6-5 with an outside chance at sneaking into the top 4 for the 2nd time in the last 2 years. Does he have the horses to pull it off? Is his team mentally strong? A lot this week might depend on how long Tajh Boyd plays vs. a pathetic NC State roster and if Todd Gurley gets enough touches vs. Georgia Southern to put up some points. This kid has no fear and no quit.. after his tough loss he was overheard telling a reporter from the Taylor Co. Star News, "My heart will go on."

#5 Brian: 7-4. 4 Straight wins. Just stop. Highest total was naturally 158 vs. #1 team in the league, then he's somehow won the next 3 with scores of 135, 119, and 107. Seriously. Finishing the year vs. T-Raz and GMOTY, so I guess we'll find out if he's for real. With 1 guy averaging in the 20ppg range I can't see him winning out to end the season, but if he does.. I'll approach him after these remarks with arms wide open.

#4 GMOTY The league's most wanted and most hated. No doubt about it. 7-4 with 3 straight wins. More points than Brian, more bravado. More swagger. More emails and texts sent out than the rest of the league combined defending his trades and idiotic comments. Every family has a clown like this, and I guess every league does too. Favorable match ups across the board for his roster this week, and that could put him into the top 3 for sure unless Billy and Chad have an epic battle for the top spot and swings voters to seeing they're the 2 best teams. Regardless of what happens.. GMOTY of the year is coming at you.. as he told the team in his locker room the other day, "That's right boys, we're coming for 'em.. it looks like we've got ourselves a CONVOY!"

#3 Billy: 7-4 and the most points in the league, but he's sitting at 3rd because the top 2 teams tied and have a slightly better record. Little surprised he hasn't made any big roster moves heading into the showdown of the #1 ranked team in the league. He's sitting content; thinking he might lose and then sell quickly for the bowl game. Anytime you have 2 guys on your roster averaging well over 20 ppg you're scary.. and even more scary when those 2 guys are starting as a QB vs. Baylor (historically awful defensively) and WR vs. UCLA (gave up like 400 yards, 5 TDs passing to Washington State last week). He's got more than a shot to win this week. If he does? Bet there will be dancing in his house this weekend!

#2 T-Raz: 7-3-1. Lucky tie is keeping him afloat, but whatever happened to Geno Smith? His QB and best WR (Smith and Austin) match up  vs. Oklahoma this weekend. That's a tough match up most times and James Sims, his top RB, heads to Iowa State. He could have a big game to keep him afloat. He'll square off against that scary Brian squad this weekend, but he's certainly thinking he'll end up with another victory. T.D has a nice little ring to it.. now if he'd just beat dat beat up.

#1 Chad. 7-3-1. More points than Dowden by a lot.. only trails Billy in that department. Big game against the league's leading scorer who has some major friendly match ups for his roster. Montee Ball faces a stout OSU d, and we saw what happened when that OL and Matt Canada squared off vs. Michigan State. Predictable, boring and no ability to even try the run game.. will it happen again? A defense playing Oregon (uh oh), will Terrence Williams be able to find the end zone? Will Franklin find room to run vs. USC? 6 guys average in that 20 ppg range, but they are not looking like great match ups this week.. finally, will Denard be able to play? If he can, and the others play like their season averages.. well.. then Billy.. you can't touch this.

Week 10 Rankings

It's late. I'm tired. Going to be a quick week of rankings with 1 legendary video to end it. My team hasn't seen it yet, but they will before we take the field Saturday.

1. Cloughs-- Get used to it. The reign at the top is just beginning.
2. Scuba-- The Braves? I hope not. Does Cinderella's slipper still fit?
3. T-Raz-- Last year's champ started big but struggled down the stretch. Will Geno crank it up again?
4. Booster-- Still in position for a $ game but not a good one. Might sell off or might buy big.
5. GMOTY-- Doing what he can to be in the title game. He's close, but is it too late?
6. Brian-- Kinda where title game chances end.. he's got a solid record but not elite talent.
7. Joe Dub-- Should I make my obligatory Minnesota or never seen him comment?
8. Crass-- Whoa, what happened to this roster? NVM, he didn't want D. Rob to start the season.
9. Cherns-- He's got one weapon and he's holding him hostage; doesn't have the integrity to trade him to a winner.
10. Josh-- Is this the highest he's ever been ranked?
11. Zach-- Thought he had a chance to get out of the 11th place spot, but it doesn't appear so
12. P90X-- Some picks, some young guys.. but they're not good at being developed. At all.

Who Is Gonna Beat 'Em?

2 games in. One at home, one on the road. 2 wins. One blowout, one buzzer beater. The Bucks haven't lost yet this season. You can't beat them at home; you can't beat them on the road. You can't beat them in blowouts; you can't beat them when it comes down to the wire. FEAR. THE. DEER.

I know it's not 2010. Buuuuuuuttttttttttttttt......

Week 9 rankings are out. The NBA tipped off this week and this is mostly a tribute to some of the better plays/players the league has ever seen. Enjoy.

1. Billy... Shocking rankings this week put Billy at 6-3 on top of the league ahead of 6-2-1 T-Razzie Dazzie. I dunno if it's the entire concept of the league or if people rewarded Billy's win over an inferior opponent while T-Raz tied the #3 team in the league or what it was. Somebody has some explaining to do.. much like Luke Walton after this boneheaded play.

2. T-Raz... Not sure what he did to the league here, but somebody somewhere isn't happy with him. I understand Billy had a higher points week, but T-Raz has a better winning %, could this be the first season in league history where we have a BCS rankings controversy? This could be fuel for Cherns' fire, if he pays attention anymore. Anyway, right when you think the #1 ranking is a slam dunk, somebody like the White Mamba does you like that!

3. Chad... Just when you think he's going to walk into position for the title game, Montee Ball and Denard Robinson get hurt or shackled by their offensive coordinator (Matt Canada in case you didn't know) a 121-121 vs. T-Raz might be good for some teams in the league, but it's not what Chad's looking for on his search for a league title. Sometimes, I know he gets a bad feeling in his stomach at night.. almost like he's got no chance to make it.

4. Scuba... 5-4, 3 straight wins and the 2nd most points in the league. Is this guy going to find his way into the title game? It's a real possibility, but he's on edge this weekend.. his brother-in-law is ranked 5th and they square off. Lets not forget that Scuba's sister married Crass, so Crass pretty much runs Scuba's life when necessary (at least that's how he tells me it works). Regardless, is this the week Scuba pulls a quick one on the elder statesman?

5. Crass... 5-4 and hanging around. He's trying to make things happen, he had a huge shot to move up this week and be in prime position for a run at the top. There was that tie on top of the leader board, it's like a flagrant foul in basketball. 2 free throws, nobody standing around you and the ball. You can't ask for anything better, unless well.. you're Chuck Hayes and this past weekend.. that's exactly who Crass was.

6. GMOTY... Selfish. Self-promoter. Loves himself. All about what he does as coach and not so much about what his team does. Wants the spotlight and wont share it no matter what. He's the kinda guy that if he had a shot to get a cheap rebound for a triple double to get the stats.. he'd miss that shot on his own basket. 5-4 and in that group that could maybe have a chance to make it to the $ games. Can you imagine this guy in a championship? Scary, scary thought.

7. Josh... Hanging around yet.. 5-4, just won again. Another one of those wins because the other team was so bad that somebody had to win. He just got lucky. Almost as lucky as his favorite player in the history of basketball. Josh used to celebrate this guy around the house, it was sick. We'd go play in the backyard and he'd be him. We'd play on our Nerf hoop in the bedroom, and he'd imitate him. We'd be doing the dishes, and he'd shoot a turnaround J into the garbage can like this guy on the big stage.

8. Brian... 5-4, 2 straight wins. Does he have a shot at getting up far enough for a $ bowl? I doubt it. He's from Minnesota. He's been trading away pieces left and right. There's not much left in the cupboard, lets chalk those wins up to attrition more than anything. There is a little spark there, like I said.. 2 straight wins, 5-4 with a host of other guys all the way up to the #4 ranking. You think he's going to make a play, but then you remember who he is.

9. Joe Dub... 4-5. He lost again. He's still above Cherns. I've still never met the guy. Never gotten more than an email/text on occasion from him. Still unsure he really exists. Still think it's possible, he's part of Brian's schizo that he's got going on. Either way, if he really does exists he drafts like Marc Gasol passes.

10. Cherns... 4-5. Running out of mean things to say. In and out of the league. In and out of his consciousness. Wanted to trade Kenjon but then he didn't really. Wanted to be a farmer, but then he lives in Madison. Wanted to play middle linebacker for a winner like Edgar, but he was born in Auburndale. I watched him play shedball one time with Tony Balz. One of the worst 2 on 2 bball teams you'll ever see. If you took the White Mamba and The Custodian and tossed these two against them.. they'd make Mamba and the Custodian look like Bird/Magic or LeBron/KD for you youngsters. He doesn't win often, but when he does.. he celebrates with Chris Bosh.

11. Zach... 3-6 with 2 straight losses.. Just a few weeks ago he texted me something to the effect of he was 3-4 and on the move, outside shot at a money bowl game. I'm not joking. Now he's 11th in the league. Sometimes, you just need to pull these young league members aside and say, "Whoa, bro.. where you going so fast? Don't forget to do the little things first."

12. P90XJoe.. Joe has a rough time scoring. Joe thinks Matt Canada is a good OC. I doubt this is a coincidence. Sometimes, I feel like Joe just really needs Rasheed Wallace to suit up for the other team and maybe, just maybe he'll find a way to the winner's circle.

Week 7 Rankings

1. Billy (11)-- 5-2, still with the most overall points.. but is 1-2 in his last year and with a tough match-up vs. T-Raz this week. Is the ship sinking? His first 3 weeks were massive outputs 158+ but he hasn't approached it since. Sometimes I think he just wants to take his ball and go home.

2. Chad (1)-- 5-2, 2-2 in his last 4 games. Has hit 150, 126, and 168 in his last 3 and Denard and company seem to have the offense figured out. Commish takes heat every week for these rankings and rulings. With his team winning, he's ruling a little bit stronger than the past, he has confidence and... authoritay.

3. T-Raz-- 5-2, 3-1 in his last 4. 140, 186, 161 and 95 are his point totals in those 4. Key: Gino Smith, T-Raz has some great pieces around him, including that all of a sudden nearly dominant Oregon D that Chad dropped earlier this year. That doesn't change anything, he might try to disguise himself as a complete squad but we know that's a joke.  As Gino goes.. he goes.

4. Perrins-- The GMOTY is 4-3, but 3-1 in his last 4. Those 4 games? 114, 107, 168, and 166. He thinks the 168 and 166 are par the course for his expectations. We think that's a small sample size, time will tell as he dodged a bullet already this week with Joe Dub having the Oregon QB's 33 pt performance on the pine. Still shady trade stuff can't get out of people's minds but I don't think he cares.

5. Crass-- 4-3, 2-2 in his last 4. 97, 152, 126 and 104 in his last 4 games. Picked up another Chad drop in Tyler Wilson as he really needs some help at QB. Big game against a suddenly hot Zach squad this weekend. He was in his locker room talking to QBs after practice this week.. he calls them, "mom." No joke.

6. Josh-- 4-3, 3 straight wins posting 130, 70, and 103 in those wins. No joke. Traded his 2 best players and then rattled off win after win, albeit vs. weak competition. Can he get past a lower ranked Cherns who has more explosive players? Kenjon dropped 34 last night, so it's an uphill battle. I've been getting texts about the trade he made and how people can't believe his team can win suddenly. They don't get it.. I don't think he does either. Still working on adding things up.

7. Scuba-- 3-4, 3-1 in his last 4. 167, 154, 101, and 152 are his last 4 totals. Ya, this guy is dangerous with a 3-4 record but the capability to blast anybody on any given Saturday. Looking to keep P90XJoe win less, shouldn't be too tough. Has a ton of points, obviously, but still struggling in wins. Rumors persist he thinks the league isn't "fair" because of the way his team is buried in losses despite all the talent.

8. Joe Dub-- 3-4, 2-2 in his last 4. An unreal 183, then 97 and 89 before 141 last week in his rivalry game with a guy he has never met. Who knows what you'll get when you take on this squad, he's a roller coaster right now, must be what it feels like to be on the debate circuit. He's just trying to get his team to get that 183 spot every week.. and he'll do what it takes.

9. Cherns-- 3-4, 1-3 in his last 4. I think that was about the time he claimed a butterfly in China could flap its wings and he'll win the league title. Around that outlandish claim time, he's gone for.. 94, 148, 77 and 88. We're talking Brian/P90X territory. This is all most owners hear when Cherns gets on his intelectually superior high horse. "When a butterly flaps it's wings in China, I'll win the league. It happens that fast."

10. Zach-- 3-4. 2 straight wins! They were against Cherns and P90X so take it for what it's worth but he did hit 95 and a season high 131 last week. Is this team suddenly buying into the coach's philosophy? A league coach quoted, "Last year nearly every player contacted me about a transfer, this year it was only 4 or 5 guys that were looking to get out. Either they're buying into his program, or they found some boosters to buy their loyalty." Possibly, he did this in the locker room.

11. Brian-- 3-4, but it feels like 0-7. At one point he scored 141 points, since then he hasn't topped 112. In fact, he hasn't topped 74 in the last two weeks including a potentially all time low 48 last week. To put that into perspective, Aaron Rodgers nearly threw for as many points vs. the Texans on Sunday night and several weeks ago, Gino Smith woulda nearly doubled his entire team total. Was still in a stupor coming into the week commenting, "How can I reach these kids?"

12. P90XJoe-- 0-7. Feels like 0-100. Came within 4 points of a win once this season, toppled the 100 point mark last week by 15 but still came up short. Only 5 weeks to go to set the unbeatable, only tieable record of going win less the entire season. The perfect Pollock season is in sight, but lets not talk about it too much or we might jinx it! Perhaps, it's time for Joe to get back in the kitchen.

Week 6 Rankings

Another week in the books, another week of Billy standing on Mt. Olympus and laughing at the pitiful humans below him.

12. P90X Joe-- After being called out by the resident league bully, Booster Billy, (that's alliteration) P90X Joe went on a tirade never seen before in these fantasy circles. Some say his motivation and intensity might have enabled Uncle Rico to throw a football over them mountains or put Neil Armstrong on the moon, but the old timers.. the guys that have been around before, they saw through the words and saw the real message.. IT WASNT OVER WHEN THE GERMANS BOMBED PEARL HARBOR. Look out Billy.. P90X is 0-6 right now and had a league low 66 points last week. So, lets hope the workout isnt the only thing changing.

11. Zach-- Ripped off another win, locking up former fellow Marawood star, Cherns, 95-77 and displaying that typical Edgar tenacity. QBs can score at will, Ontario Smith might let loose in the Georgia Tech backfield, still searching at WR, but still has the Va Tech defense even though they aren't the d of years past. As Zach walked off the field victorious, he might have forgot how it felt... "Now, what am I doing?" he probably wondered as he sat in his office Sunday getting ready for this week.

10. Joe Dub-- 2-4 with 89 points last week? 3 RBs combined for 17 points, Kicker managed a 1 spot but the defense canceled that out with a -1. Ouch. If I'm Andre Ellington and I'm sitting there on this roster, I might go up to ol' Coach Joe-Dub and ask him, "Are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle dixie?" Needs to really make a move to get things going.

9. Scuba-- 759 points. 4th most in the league! Sure looks good. "Ya, but I shoot with this hand." 2-4 record. Not so much. Scored 101 last week, has young talent, a stud senior QB for points.. but can't seem to get the right match-up weekly. A lost season for the record, but solid for his team's development. He's like David Copperfield right now, I'm going to score points and entertain you, but in the end it was just a show and not real.

8. Brian-- 3-3 and coming off a beatdown. 73 points? A whopping 23 points on the bench? You want the truth, Brian? Do you?  You can't handle the truth, but I'm going to tell you anyway. Last year was a fluke! Not sure I've seen a fall this far, this fast from near title contention. On the plus side, this team is young with some players that get the ball a lot but need to do more with it.

7. Josh-- 3-3. 2 straight "wins." Thinks his team is on a roll now, last week he won by 4 points. And scored 70 points. That tells you how bad the #12 team in this league is. Well, Josh.. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to play fantasy football, son. You're going to need something a little bit better this week against the #2 ranked squad in the league.

6. Cherns-- 3-3. 77 points in the starting line-up last week. 96 on the bench. Lost to the #11th ranked team in the league. Still yapping when he has a chance. Still proclaiming that he can win the league at any moment.... "WELL... we're waiting."

5. Perrins-- 3-3. Scored the most points in the league last week and downed the #4 squad by about a 40 spot. Then, naturally, claimed his squad was putting it all together. It was the best week of the year because your guys played out of their minds. It's the law of averages, bro, this week won't be a repeat.. but it is a big game as he's taking on #1 and their is high tension between the 2 squads as Perrins philosophy with the worst team in the league is to say, "I'm gonna make an offer he can't refuse." as he attempts to give up a 3rd round pick for a top 5 RB.

4. Cloughs-- 4-2. Coming off a loss to Pesky Perrins and now taking on the #3 squad in fantasy. No TE rostered as several trades appear to have fallen through and half the roster on a bye week? No worries. He's got a QB that can't really throw and a white WR in the starting line-up. Crass, I've only got one thing to say to you... "CAN YOU DIG IT?"

3. Crass-- 4-2 and scored 126 last week despite 2 players scoring 0 in the starting line-up. RBs continue to carry this squad as Jeff Tuel appears to be in line to make a start at the QB position. Tuel is Wazzu's QB, which could be good because it's Mike Leach.. but Tuel hasn't started in a few weeks and was mediocre replacing their other hack QB last week at Oregon State. If he doesn't start this week, that could be a huge loss of points. Guess he shoulda maybe checked FA for a QB this week but probably just took the Godfather's advice to Spend time with the family.

2. T-Raz-- 5-1 and clearly hanging out with the Blues Brothers. We're on a mission from God. Stole Geno Smith from Perrins. Picked up FA Oregon D after Cloughs dropped them and since then they've scored 42, 19, and 22 points. Some Texas RB that averages like 2.5 yards a carry has had like 20+ point weeks back to back. The Geno show heads in vs. the #7 squad, Josh, this week. Expect the Ws to follow.

1. Booster-- Raged over a trade attempt with P90X Joe where he offered multiple picks and a player, to get no response.. only to have said player traded to Perrins (in process at least) for a 3rd round pick. Shoddy by Perrins and Joe, Booster took a stand against the injustice. Perrins/P90X Joe put their little brains together to come up with the standard, "Billy annoyed me and I can trade with whoever I want" text later that night. Good one guys. Didn't take many higher level thinking courses at UW, eh? Booster is incensed because he's taking on #5 Perrins this week, who is quickly becoming a thorn in his side. Braxton Miller gets a horrible Indiana Defense but Marcus Lattimore gets one of the nation's best in LSU. Will that be enough to overcome Johnny Manziel vs. La Tech and maybe Mike "O" G on the Perrins squad? Billy only has one question for Perrins..  Do you feel lucky?