So here's the deal.. I know the draft was weeks ago and some summer league scrubs have taken the floor.. guess what, I don't care. I don't have cable and I don't have time.. but I did scrape some up as I sit over at my in-laws dog sitting. True story. My NBA Draft Diary:
--Draft hasn't started yet but my DVR has.. Is that Magic Johnson doing an intro? Only guy worse on TV for the NBA is Jalen Rose. This is gonna be good.
--Stern booed and like a true WWE heel, pretends they were cheers. Has anybody ever seen David Stern and Vinny McMahon at the same time, in the same room?
--Stern mentions the Miami Heat and the crowd boos.. he helped create that team. I'm calling them the nWo from now. Is LeBron Hogan? Bosh would be that latino guy that yells ARRIBA LA RAZA... and Wade has to be Scott Hall.. except the fact that I love Scott Hall.
--Jalen tosses in he's played in the league 13 years. Don't worry, Jalen.. we know who you are.
--Jay Bilas just told me Nerlens Noel weighs 216lbs. Does Jay have a numbers fetish? Why don't I know his wingspan yet?
--The 1st pick hasn't happened yet.. and I'm seriously bored right now. I don't like Bill Simmons voice, Jalen Rose is a joke, and Jay Bilas only knows economics.
--What's with the David Stern baby raise the roof before the 1st pick? Who does he think he is? He reminds me of the Brian Regan skit when the dude on the cell phone barely raises his finger (might not even have this point on here but Brian Regan is sweet anyway).. If you want the crowd to make noise David.. RAISE THE ROOF.
--Jalen Rose, "everybody wants to be the #1 pick." That's why Jalen is here tonight.. it took him 13 years to figure that out!
--Jay Bilas just said wingspan and tip one back regarding Anthony Bennett. #YesSir
--WHY DIDNT ANYBODY TELL ME SHANE BATTIER WAS INTERVIEWING PEOPLE?! I DO NOT WANNA SEE THIS... is ESPN trying to make up for hiring Ray Lewis? You know.. the dude that allegedly murdered somebody.
--Anthony Bennett isn't going to eat himself out of the league according to Jay Bilas.. good I didn't want him to be the next Oliver Miller.
--Rece Davis just told me that the 2nd pick in the draft was a "high energy guy".. that term is reserved for bench towel waving white guys.. like Jon Brockman.
--Shane Battier is on nickname basis with Victor Oladipo. Wonder if he'd met him before this weekend.
--Victor Oladipo was just compared to Dwayne Wade, Alvin Robertson, and Joe Dumars in about 30 seconds.
--David Stern remains a Vince McMahon and we're 3 picks in. This guy can't go away fast enough.
--Jalen Rose is certainly a Ben Stein clone.. btw.. our 3rd pick in this draft Rose just compared to Bruce Bowen. Shane Battier also hit a "That's great" awkward moment in his interview. He stinks.
--Ariza, Seraphin, Price on the Wizards bench.. I might be able to get run there.
--YES! Jalen Rose JUST said that his mom won a championship.. in women's basketball. I'm not joking.
--Still trying to figure out if Cody Zeller is such a freak and a great athlete and 60% shooter.. then why did Jared Berggren eat him alive?
--Rece Davis just said that Nerlens Noel could be re-united with Anthony Davis at Kentucky. Ummm... does Rece Davis know that they both left after their freshman year so they weren't at Kentucky together? Come on, bro.
--Alex Len just said he wanted to play against KG and Duncan.. Battier asked the ? and isn't happy he doesn't want to play against him. For real.
--Jay Bilas told me 216lbs isn't pushing around an Eastern Conference C.. How many Cs is he not pushing around? Who is pushing around who in the East? He's pushing Bosh around for sure.
--John Calipari just sold 17 used cars in the lottery room.
--8 picks in.. and I like Shane Battier less than I did 8 picks ago. Didn't think that was possible.
--Jay Bilas, "If a PG is the best player.. then don't you take him?" Bill Simmons, "That's what got David Kahn fired." Touche bro.
--Jalen Rose is a horrible dude on TV. Don't know if I mentioned that yet. I'm 9 picks in so I might have.
--Jalen Rose likes Trey Burke.. I'm shocked that he liked a guy that played at Michigan. I bet he likes Big McGary too.
--Figured it out.. Shane Battier reminds me of Drew Carey on Price is Right. #Awful
--And at the 10th pick.. my favorite player for the Bucks off the draft. CJ McCollum.
--Sorry Bill Simmons.. CJ McCollum isn't an "irrational confidence" guy.. he's a STUD. Difference.
--ESPN cut to Chris Broussard to report on Trey Burke news that was already discussed on set by guys that didn't have the "inside story." Nice job, Chris.
--Jay Bilas and Jalen Rose just told me how great of a defender MCW is.. great, he plays zone.
--Now Jay Bilas just told me MCW went to a camp and they told him he was mid-major.. then 10 seconds later he said he was told he was a DIII player. Make up your mind!
--Shane still fishing for a compliment just asked MCW who he wanted to play against.. He didn't answer with "Shane Battier."
--Jalen Rose just said that Kendrick Perkins has slown down a little bit.. in other words, he's gone from slo-mo to Ace Ventura super slow-mo
--Blending Bucks off-season and the draft together.. I'd still take Bill Simmons as Bucks GM. For realz.
--Chris Broussard just said the Mavs would trade the pick.. or take a foreign player and keep him overseas. Guess who they took? Kelly Olynyk.. which they traded for Shane Larkin.
--They are crushing the Bucks during the draft now.. well guess what.. GREEK FREAK. BACK OFF.
--BTW: The Greek Freak is a pick the Bucks have to make at 15. They need to knock a kid out of the park.. what are your choices right now? You are Milwaukee and need a franchise pick.. you can get a senior that can be a great rotation guy or a potential superstar.. you take the Greek Freak. LOVE IT
--All sorts of Canadian jokes by the ESPN Draft guys.. funny considering they haven't been to a Marquette camp lately.
--2 hours in and a German just got picked.. almost skipped it on purpose because Fran and some other clown are on. I didn't though. Dennis Schroeder was a potential Buck.. I woulda taken it.
--Bill Simmons just asked if David Kahn was hired as a consultant by the Hawks because they took the German PG and Shane Larkin. I laughed.
--A Russian just got picked. Not sure how this affect US/Russia relations but I think Putin and Obama don't like each other. For realz.
--Pure Comedy.. Sergev Kaserev and Shane Battier interview.
--Shabazz Muahammad just got picked and looks like he hates David Stern.
--Tony Snell is only 6'7 and has a wingspan of a 6'11 guy. Thanks Jay. He can also shoot. Actually, I woulda loved him as a Buck.
--Chris Broussard is so bad at his job.. that he can't even pronounce Luol Deng right. For realz.
--David Stern trying to crack jokes that boos mean respect.. Didn't work, brah brah. You aren't cool.
--I believe the Nets are up next at pick number 22.. Jay Bilas has Pierre Jackson as his 8th best pick available.. I bet he doesn't get picked in the 1st round.
--Can't wait in Bart Scott voice is WAYYYYYYYY better than Can't wait in Mason Plumlee voice. His is childish and lame.
--23 picks in.. David Stern still trying to make jokes about being a heel and getting the crowd rowdy. He's as annoying as Tom Crean stalking the sidelines.
--Knicks took Tim Hardaway Jr.. I love him.. but I hate the Knicks.
--Shocking.. Jalen Rose says, "I LIKKKKKKKE IT." hahaha.. C'mon bro.. you woulda liked that Horford clown taken there.
--Some Tim Hardaway clips.. best part of the night included.. including this Spike Lee interview.
--Bill and Jalen don't like each other.. another weird argument about Amar'e Stoudamire. Classic stuff. Jalen played 13 years.. so you know.. he knows.
--It's the 26th pick and the Warrior took some guy from Colorado that averaged 11 points.. and Rece Davis just made a wrestling comment about David Stern.. fairly certain I made a comment like that about 25 picks ago.
--David Stern just did another annoying hand motion for the crowd to "boo" him.. does he think he's cool at this point? Seriously.. I'd drop an elbow from the top rope if I were there right now.
--I'm going on record here.. Spurs shoulda taken Jamaal Franklin.. they woulda loved him.
--Archie Goodwin just got picked.. he's a bball player today, not a cartoon character from WW2 era.
--Rece Davis is totally in love with David Stern.. either that or words are on a screen in front of him.. which do you think it is? I have my answer.
--Jalen Rose just said that David Stern is the best commish in any sport in his life. haha.. what a homer. He's played at Michigan and "LOVED" every Michigan pick and played in the league and shockingly he thinks that he's the man. Come on, Jalen.
--Bill Simmons points out that David Stern isn't above criticism.. nobody comments shockingly.
--David Stern hands over the keys to Adam Silver; crowd boos. It's the WWE storyline that people love.. Vinny Mac turns the reigns over to Shane-O Mac.
--2 minutes between picks now? No wonder the 2nd round is only an hour on the DVR compared to like the other 3 hours of the 1st round.
--Just stopped watching the draft to make this insane smoothie with spinach, coconut chocolate yogurt, coconut milk, blueberries, a peach and banana. I think this smoothie will do more for me than Glen Rice Jr. does for the 76ers. Time will tell.
--Jay Bilas just said, "He (Glen Rice Jr) got bounced off the team at Georgia Tech so he has some major issues." C'mon Jay.. it's Georgia Tech if you get kicked off Kentucky then you've really got problems.
--Bill Simmons thinks Jimmer still has a shot to make a name for himself in the NBA.. That's why I like that guy so much.
--Nate Wolters just got picked and Bill Simmons loves him too.. Why is he not GM of the Bucks. That Wolters/Fredette backcourt would be sick. So glad he became a Bucks PG.. he's just a basketball player. I like him.
--Grant Jerrett looks like a turtle. If he were one of the 4 teenage mutant ninja turtles I'd say he's Raphael. He's just kinda there with no special skills.
--Jalen Rose just said, "I woulda moved him (Lamarcus Aldridge) tonight too." Then Bill Simmons made a comment to Jalen Rose who then said, "They can wait, the Blazers don't have to move him tonight." Come on man.
--After CJ McCollum that dude Jamaal Franklin was my next hopeful Bucks player. They didn't get him, but the Grizzlies will end up with him. Rose thinks he'll stay around the league because he can "score the basketball" Does he know anything about Franklin? He's a rebounder/defender.
--Ricky Ledo just got picked based off HS games and Providence practices. So.. basically we have a pick made off practice and youtube videos. Yi totally would fit in this draft.
--I just missed a whole bunch of picks because I was stuck in FF on the TV remote.. guess what at this point, I don't care.
--Fran just told me that Raul Neto is called Raul Zeno or something like that by his friends and that is his nickname.. I seriously can't wait to get this dude into the league.
--Ryan Kelly just got picked.. Jay Bilas loves him. I'm not surprised, but where is Dick Vitale to tell me about the basketball aspect of this Duke product.
--Some junk during the draft about Dwight Howard; so glad that's over. I hope he drags the Rockets down and doesn't win a title.
--Erik Murphy gets an Entourage spot from Simmons and Bilas. That's rich. Turtle gonna get picked next and even Johnny Drama gets a mention.. that's why you watch the 2nd round of the NBA Draft. Too bad E wasn't in the crowd, Sloan woulda been with him I think.
--Another reason you watch the 2nd round.. Simmons said Doc quit on the Celtics and Doc responds with, "I'd like to call him an idiot, but I'm too classy for that." Bro, you just called him an idiot, we're not stupid. Then adds Simmons doesn't know the truth. Can't wait for Simmons reply coming in 3, 2, 1....
--Rece, Jay, and Jalen speechless and have no clue what to say after that Doc Rivers interview.. They're like wallflowers.
--Some Iranian named Arsalan Kazemi got picked.. and my DVR stopped. I hope that isn't some kinda freaky sign. This draft is over for me.
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